So as a lot of you know I was studying Psychology BSc at university. As happy but sad as I am in saying this, It has now officially ended. I have graduated! Woohoo! It actually feels weird saying that as I’m so used to saying I’m studying Psychology. I guess its a good thing. I’m not going to lie, a lot of people know that I had great difficulty being at university. Not because of the university or university life in general but just mainly because I’m not an academic. Yes, I repeat, I am not an academic. Now a lot of you may ask, well why did you go university then? I mean why would you waste all that time at uni and not think of other ways to use your time wisely? The truth is, I asked myself that quite often but I was adamant. I was adamant that I had started something and I was going to see it through. You see before this, I didn’t actually used to be like this. For me it was just if I get something done, I get it done. If not, no big deal. And I’m still like that with a lot of things but this was something that I wanted to achieve. I needed to achieve. It was a personal mission that I had to achieve, for myself. There were a few subconscious factors but it was mainly because I wanted to gain something and so if nothing else ever worked out, I would have something under my belt in the future.
Two months in, around the Christmas holidays, I was adamant I was not going to go back. That was it. It was finished. It just wasn’t something I could handle. I mean, what made me think I was able to complete a degree if I couldn’t even do straight A-levels? Yes, I had taken the BTEC route (which if some of you are not familiar with, is an equivalent to A-levels), because lets admit it, by the time I got to college I knew I couldn’t really focus in exams. I had realised I have a very short attention span and so if a particular topic doesn’t interest me then there is a very high chance that after the first ten minutes I’m not listening. Or if I am listening, I’m not consciously listening which means I am going to forget it way before it has even been processed.
Anyway, after constantly battling with myself, I decided I was not going to give in that easily and that I should stick it out. That academic year finished and I started the next one, every time I thought of not going back I said to myself I’ve got this far, I can do this. There came a point that after second year, things got a little difficult and for me at that time, I just wanted to let it go, work, make money and find something else I could do with my life. But things just ended up in my favour and it made me consider going back for final year. After long consideration, I thought ‘come on Nosh, you’ve done two years and its literally just one last stretch, just do it. After it, you’ll be done with it. You can do whatever you want.’ So I did. I forced myself to get through it and finish it off. And thats exactly what I did. I finally finished and was invited to the graduation ceremony… and this is what happened on that day…
So my ceremony was at 10am. This meant that I had to be up fairly early to get ready and get to uni to register and collect my robe. On the guide it was suggested that I should have collected my robe and registered by 9:15am. Having done that we were told to wait till 9:30am before we could enter the venue. In between that time I had met my family and we went to the marquee DMU had set up to just chill in really. They had round tables set up everywhere and drinks and snacks on sale. We took the opportunity to take pictures and about twenty minutes later we were asked to go into the venue. So I had gone and sat on my designated seat and my family had gone to theirs.
The interior was pretty cool, the lights were down low, blue beams and the stage lit up in the middle. I met a couple of peers next to me whom I hadn’t met before so it was pretty cool, we spoke for a while and then the ceremony started. It was a nice setup and the ceremony went pretty smoothly. I was so excited but nervous at the same time. I just knew i was bound to mess something up. The most common thought had arrived, and i was just so scared of making a fool of myself by tripping on stage or something. and I definitely made a fool of myself. let me tell you that. More information on that in the story coming. 😉
Anyway, so the ceremony started with the stage part procession. They all came and took their respective seats and then we had a speech and presentation from my faculty. It was actually pretty interesting to know that there is so much available to us after we graduate. We can still take part in their #DMUGlobal & #DMUSquaremile activities, we can still associate with the university on so many different levels and keep in touch with them if we need any help. So that was all pretty useful.
And then came the time we were required to go on stage. We were guided off our seating stand, and behind the hall so we could come out at the further end and come round into the hall again. by this time, I’m not going to lie, my legs were shaking. The adrenaline had definitely kicked in by this time. One by one, we were asked our names so that everybody was in order for when we get to the front. As we came back into the hall, my family was sitting just as I entered and so I was trying to find them in the crowd. My brother seen me first and nodded his head, smiling, then my sister, and she nudged my mum who looked at me waving with excitement, so I waved back thinking what am I getting myself into. As I was waving back, I realised someone else was looking straight at me and looked dead confused as if ‘why is she waving at me?’.. I quickly smiled and turned around. omg. I was about two names away from being called up on stage and I thought oh shooot, I can’t turn around now, there’s no going back. Yes. This is how extravagant I was being. You see, as much as I am a bubbly, social-ish person, I just have a fear of getting in front of a massive crowd and so this was really pushing me out of my comfort zone.
What happened after that was totally out of my hands but so embarrassing. I cant believe it happened. To me. On that day, of all days! Basically, when you go up, you can take a picture with the Vice Chancellor. So as you go up, you nod your head/hat to the Pro Chancellor and then walk over to the Vice chancellor and collect your award. I wanted to face my fears that bad that I decided to take a picture with the vice. On my way up I completely forgot that I needed to nod my hat towards the Pro Chancellor and just completely raced towards the Vice. I shook his hand, took my award and asked if I could take a picture. He said sure, and I went to bring my phone up to take a selfie when I had realised it was not on the selfie screen. Whilst I was waiting in the queue, I made sure I had set the camera up so that when I get there and have this spontaneous moment I wouldn’t have to stand there trying to get the camera up. But thats exactly what happened. I had my camera open, but somehow on the way there it switched to portrait mode, and I’m sure you Iphone 7plus users would know that you are unable to take a selfie on portrait mode. So there was no icon to switch the camera around to the selfie mode and I panicked. I didn’t know what happened. I just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. I turned the camera off, unlocked my phone, opened the camera app again (this is all whilst everyone was staring at me waiting for me to keep moving… The girl behind me had already came up half way up the stage) and I was thinking… What.? Seriously. I was so tempted to just say forget it. But I tried swiping and realised that I was on the wrong mode. I quickly swiped and took the most awkward picture ever and said thank you and just put my head down and hurried off the stage. I couldnt stop laughing. I thought seriously God, is that how you want to play it. I go to build my confidence and you show me the best way by embarrasing me on stage? haha. oh God. He has his ways. I mean I may not still be that confident now, but I’ve done it, and it doesnt matter. I mean I know that it doesn’t matter. So what if people were laughing, So what if everyone was watching me and I took the mickey on stage (it was probably about 30 seconds more than everyone else, but it felt like 3 minutes haha).
After all the graduates received their awards the #DMUChoir came on stage and sang their peice. It was beautiful. their voices were amazing, and I loved listening to them. I hoped they would keep singing. hehe. Once the ceremony had finished all the graduates went down to the stage to take pictures and then everybody left to the marquee.
We went to the marquee, took some more pictures, had our complimentary drinks, and then my family went home and I stayed with a friend and took all the necessary “Step Aside, new graduate” pictures. lol. It just had to be done right. You cant wear a robe and not take a million pictures just to choose a couple. haha. I had the gown till 5pm. So I thought ill take it home and take pictures with my grandma and nana, and then return it later. They loved it. I wanted to take it to them because they’re old and they couldn’t come, and I knew how much it meant to them for them to see this moment and so it was only right that I took it to them. Their reactions were priceless, and I would remember it forever. Once I returned the gown, I went with my brother for a drive, washed the car, fuelled up as you do, and got home and jumped straight in my bed. I was soo tired. I think the embarrassing moment took it all out of me.
In the evening we went for a meal at Tipu Sultan. Its an indian/pakistani restaurant and I love it. Anytime I want a decent curry and a yummy mixed grill, I know where I would go. The evening was just spent well with family and food. two things I love in life. I just remember sitting there in between the courses completely in zen, smiling and enjoying the moment with loved ones and thinking how small life really is and how we need to start appreciating life with all the small things. We honestly dont know how long we’re going to last and the best we can do is have a positive impact on others, enjoy our time and celebrate all moment, no matter how big or small.
Anyway, I’ve gone on for way too long, I hope you’ve enjoyed this essay. It seems so long but it had to be done. Enjoy the little things folks, celebrate each moment, and learn from your mistakes. Its the best thing we can achieve from this so called journey called… LIFE.
“We Did Not Come To Fear The Future, We Came Here To Shape It”
– Barack Obama
Keep Smiling My Beauties! (: